


Sorry That I Walked Away

by OneLostBugimon



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23137708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneLostBugimon/pseuds/OneLostBugimon
Summary: MInhyun has to scrap for other jobs to make a living and pay Jonghyun treatment bills but it was hard.
Relationships: Hwang Minhyun/Kim Jonghyun | JR
Comments: 14
Kudos: 35
Collections: Spring Blessings (Nu'est 8th Anniversary Fic Fest)





	Sorry That I Walked Away

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt 200. 
> 
> I'm sorry that I couldn't do justice to this beautiful prompt.
> 
> Title comes from NCT U - Yestoday's lyrics.  
> When i read the prompt it reminded me of this particular song.

Minhyun took the envelope offered by his employee gratefully. It's a little bit over one hundred and fifty thousand won that can be used to cover a few physiotherapy sessions for Jonghyun. God knows Jonghyun really needed those sessions despite his refusal to continue his treatment. 

It's been a little over a year after their disbandment. After fighting tooth and nails to keep the group intact and running, they can only survived so long with the sales that continued to decline giving them nothing left beside some debt to be covered and apartment unit to be vacated as soon as they agreed to surrendered to the destiny that's been looming over their career. 

The final blow was when Jonghyun's fell down a five metre high stage trying to catch Minhyun who slipped due to the stage floor's wetness during their small fan meeting stage. Minhyun remembered the horrible crunch voice when he landed on Jonghyun and everyone was screaming. Minhyun remembered precisely there were only 87 people that showed up that day, Dongho's counting. The album's sales was not even near 200 pieces that week. They had to cut short their promotion because without Jonghyun's presence and Minhyun refusal to attend any schedule without Jonghyun, they couldn't even continue on their own. 

He was there when the doctor mentioned that in future, Jonghyun had to limit his movements so not to strained his back anymore. Jonghyun only nodded vaguely when the movement limitation listed as long as it could be, dancing included, that all he's left only the confinement of home. Long walking is prohibited, not even lifting heavy stuffs allowed. The back injury sort of sentenced him to quit his dancing career.

He was there when the doctor left them to visit his other patients not knowing that the final words that he gave had pushed Jonghyun to crumble in his arms. Breath heaved, tears poured and hands tangled in his shirt so hard like he's scared that Minhyun would left him there and bare. 

Minhyun looked up to the ceiling tried to hold back his own tears and quietly pat Jonghyun's back whispering that they can go through this together and everything will be alright, eventually. That night, Jonghyun slept restlessly while holding his hands. Minhyun traced his soft features in the dark wondering where would these happening take them in life. 

There's not much discussion needed between them and Pledis. They've been prepared and this was expected. Sooner or later, the disbandment is final. Aron packed his bag as soon as they signed the cancelation of contract and drained up his bank account to pay up his debt portion and booked a flight back to US the next day. Dongho moved to Bumzu's apartment and continued writing music under his wings. Minki opted to back to his hometown in Busan taking a break from all the chaotic Seoul that they could never tamed. And Minhyun, ignoring Jonghyun's protest, went down on his knees to both Jonghyun's parents that came to pick him up. 

"I promise i will take him diligently to his therapy sessions. Please, let me take care of Jonghyun. I owe him this much. This is my fault anyway. Please.." he begged over and over again. 

Jonghyun's mum, ever the softie one, poured her tears that day, hugged him tight saying sorry repeatedly that she's sorry that their plan didn't work, sorry that she couldn't make it earlier to Seoul when they informed her Jonghyun's accident affecting the delayed of his treatment, and "I'm sorry, Minhyunie, You shouldn't be burdened by Jonghyun anymore. Let us take him home." 

Minhyun threw himself down, reaching for her feet, head down, heart beats profusely, afraid of the chance that this could be his last time seeing Jonghyun in his life, tried to grasp on whatever little chance he had to prolong this- whatever that 'this' is- life he had with Jonghyun, because, let's be honest, Minhyun couldn't see any future without Jonghyun in it. "Omonim, what are you saying? He's not a burden. Please, please, I promise, trust me, please, I will bring him back to you in good health. There's.. " Minhyun wiped his ugly snot away, it's been hindering his speech and he's already losing his mind, "..there's a good clinic here in Seoul for physiotherapy that is recommended by Jonghyun's doctor. They have best equipments and staffs. I promise, I'll take care of him regularly there and report his progress to you. I promise." 

She sighed "But Minhyun.., the cost would be.." 

"I'll chip in. You don't have to worry. I've saved a bit and i can use it. It's because Jonghyun feed me all the time that i have enough money to save. I want to repay him for that." 

Jonghyun frowned at this. "Minhyun-ah, what are you talking about? You don't owe me anything." 

"Look, Jonghyun-ah, you know i'm right that the facilities in here are better than in Gangneung. You can just stay here with me. Half of the treatment's fee can be covered by your health insurance and my saving can cover the other half for some months ahead. I can find some job in the meantime until you finish your treatment. And after that, when you are deemed healthy again, you can go back to Gangneung or do whatever you want to. Just.." Minhyun closed his eyes, "get the proper treatment first."

Jonghyun's mum looked at the two boys, confused, and shifted her attention to Jonghyun's dad asking for his opinion. The old man contemplated for a while before finally put his hand over his son's, "What do you think, son? Will you come with us or stay here and continue your treatment?"

Please don't leave me. The unsaid small request Minhyun heart's screaming made him hard to breathe. His eyes conveyed pleading to Jonghyun's that the said boy seemed to finally understood the underlying message. Jonghyun bowed his head in defeat.

Minhyun always get what he wants, anyway. 

"I think I'll stay, Dad." 

Since then, Minhyun has been on his toes trying to make his ends meet. He refused Jonghyun’s offer to pay for his part of rental fee saying that the apartment is so small anyway. He also shot down Jonghyun’s idea of getting a part time job on local supermarket citing doctor instruction not to pick up anything heavy and moving around too much. He dislikes the idea of Jonghyun has to sweat under his care. Not after what he put Jonghyun’s through, not after he promised so much to Jonghyun’s parents. 

Fortunately, Pledis offered Minhyun a place as one of their vocal instructors and has his own class of 20 hopeful trainees three times a week. That’s one steady income he can rely on every month to cover their rental fee and basic utilities. To cover Jonghyun’s therapy, though, is a challenge. He gritted his teeth and put his name on a roster of club cafe singers managed by one of their old managers and took job as a wedding singer every so often, swallowing his pride every time he sang to a grim and oblivious audience. He diligently put all these earning into his saving account that he specifically prepared to pay for Jonghyun’s therapy session. He tried his best, god knows he does.

His only consolation through those hard days was whenever he came home to a smiling Jonghyun, looking healthy and little by little showing progress. Jonghyun has long escaped the confinement of his bed, move on to using wheelchair and now managed to walk around their apartment in his crutches. He no longer needed Minhyun’s help in taking a bath or putting clothes. Whenever Minhyun can, he took Jonghyun outside to do their grocery shopping, walk around their neighborhood, playing with their neighbour dogs, and he would contently enjoy seeing Jonghyun laughed happily. 

“You really don’t have to do this, you know.” Jonghyun said to him a week after his parents left him at Minhyun's apartment. “You don’t have to feel the burden to repay me. It was an accident and I won’t hold you against anything.”

Minhyun had to stop his scrubbing immediately, he was washing the pan they used to fry potatoes for dinner. “You really think that’s my sole reason for doing this?” Minhyun sighed and continued his scrubbing, washed left soap and put the pan in the drying rack. He wiped his hands dry before went over to Jonghyun who’s sit on their couch in front of the TV. He went on his knees and took the older hands, “Jju-ya, I would never regret my decision to be with you here and forever after, accident or not. I’ve told you that I can never imagine my life without you in it. When I said, I’ll take responsibility of you, I mean it to the very end.”

Jonghyun looked at him seriously, “Minhyun, looked at me. I’m crippled. I won’t be any good to you. I can’t do basic chores, hell, I can’t even took a bath without help. You can still have the world. You deserve so much better. You deserve someone better.”

And Minhyun was angry, so angry that Jonghyun even consider the possibility of him having someone else. Like anyone could ever be better than Jonghyun. In controlled voice, he rise to his feet “Jju, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Lips get in a thin line, he scooped Jonghyun out of the couch and lifted him to the bed. “Now, you sleep. I need to clean the bathroom.” he tucked Jonghyun’s in and closed the bedroom door. 

Once outside he clutched his fragile heart, wondering will it ever be less hurt hearing those from Jonghyun’s own lips. Not knowing that Jonghyun also shed tears under his blanket. 

It was only been few months but feels like decades ago since they sneaked out of sight of the managers and kissed in the darkness of a deserted alley. The day Minhyun confessed quietly that he wants to hold Jonghyun’s hands forever and Jonghyun beamed at him brightly seemed like fading in his memories.

That night he took time scrubbing every corner of their bathroom clean. 

~~

It was on a dead winter night when Seungcheol asked him to grab a dinner. He just came back from a long Asian Tour with his group, Seventeen and said that he's missed his buddy so much. Although Minhyun suspected that he only wants to meet him alone because when Minhyun asked if he can take Jonghyun too, Seungcheol was being hems and haws and said that Jonghyun better rest because there'll be a loooong walk uphill to the place that he booked to. 

Minhyun didn't voice his suspicion and just told Jonghyun that he'll be home late that night. 

The restaurant was small, quaint and really located on the upper side of the town. Took Minhyun quite a while to climb the street. When he arrived, he almost run out of breath.

Seungcheol was as handsome as ever, wide shoulder, gummy smile, sparkling eyes and crispy and shiny hair. They shared hugs and pats on the back before settled down to a desk on the patio. Exchanged how are yous, you look great, and how is the kids nowadays. To Minhyun, it felt nice to get in contact with Seungcheol again. Among the Seventeen boys, he's closest with Seungcheol. Not just because they were actually trained together to debut as Pledis Boys (too bad Seungcheol didn't make it to the final line up of Nu'est and even Tempest plan didn't go through but Seventeen definitely claimed better success compared to Nu'est anyway), they were also classmates at SOPA High. So catching up with Seungcheol was a delight that Minhyun loved to devour in exchange of his dry and weary days. 

At least, not until…

"I think you should try and apply for Produce 101, Minhyun-ah. The girls did it last year and some of them made it to the final line up. They are doing well by now." 

Minhyun was on the way scooping out tofu soup when the ladder slipped through his fingers sending little splashes of soup all over the table. He immediately reached out for tissue but Seungcheol already called one of the waiter to cleaned away the mess at their table. 

"So, I guess that's the exact reason why you want to meet me." He looked at Seungcheol straight into his eyes. "You know, I won't do it. I can't. Jonghyun can barely survive on his own. He needs me." 

"Does he?" Seungcheol bit back. "Look, Minhyun, i know that you think you owe Jonghyun your life but let's be honest here, you've done enough. Enough for him to get back on his feet soon, enough for you to get back on yours too. You two have been scooped out of life ever since the accident and it's time for both of you to move on." 

"Seungcheol, he barely can stand straight without his crutches. He needs someone to take care of him." 

"You can always hire a caretaker in the meanwhile. The show's only for two months, and if you make it to the line up, which i'm sure you will- by the way, there's another one year and a half contract that will surely booked out by the industry for every single day. After all of those, once you make enough money, you can continue your little paradise play with him." 

"Seungcheol.."

"Above everything, Minhyun-ah, don't you still want to be on stage?"

Exactly the question that Minhyun's not ready to answer. 

He declined Seungcheol's offer to drive him afterward, opted to walk down the streets all the way back home. His mind was full, thinking and re-thinking. Weighed his options carefully, enlisted his priorities and battled with his inner ambition. He sat at the nearby park looking at nowhere in particular. Too much arguments happened at his head and he wished that they could just stop. 

He slide back to their apartment sometime after midnight, Jonghyun already slept and the room was dark. Minhyun peeled off his clothes and showered before he slipped into the bed with Jonghyun. Hand draped over his small waist, nose buried under Jonghyun's hair. He breathed in his faint scent like he never met air before. 

He dreamed of high stages, blinding lights, adrenaline rush, blasting sound and people screaming their names that night. 

~~

The due date of submitting application for that Produce 101 show was getting near and Seungcheol has been pestering him all along. Minhyun secretly did his research of watching the show's last season and he was strongly believe that he can manage a spot. He knew he can do it. He can taste it on the edge of his tongue. 

He did his calculation of projected sales of a mediocre known boygroup and his probable claim of portion. He can cover Jonghyun's entire treatment session, buy him a car so Jonghyun won't be boarding on buses or trains anywhere, and he could even buy a little house near the beach around Gangneung (Minhyun even checked property price range around the area and found out how much he'd need to set aside of his future earning to actually buy one in two years later) not far from Jonghyun's parent house. They could settle their life there after all the hustle of the upcoming life Minhyun will try to battle on. And then they will live happily ever after. 

He laid everything down to Jonghyun two days before the final date of application is coming. Enthusiastically explained every single step of his plan to win the show, how their future will be bright and how happy they'll be. 

And since the first step of becoming a participant is to move in to the show's dorm for the whole two months and a half during the show's time schedule -and even longer if he managed to win and get a spot in the final group-, he needed Jonghyun's permission to contact his sister that's been living four hours drive away from them and see if she can drive Jonghyun to the clinic on the day of scheduled therapy session appointment in between those time bracket. Minhyun will definitely find time to get back home as often as possible and continue his caring of Jonghyun.

Unfortunately, Jonghyun's focus has been on an entirely different spectrum.

"So, are you leaving me now?"

Minhyun sighs, "Jonghyun, that's not what I am saying."

"Sounds like that to me." Jonghyun fiddles with his knitted sweater, some threads unraveled under his fingers. "I'll ask Noona to pick me up tomorrow."

"Wait, what?"

Jonghyun's eyes wandered to their bedroom, already looked so empty. "Our lease will be up in six weeks, Minhyun-ah. I guess you forgot about that. We won't have much money to renew one as I already sent the last chunk of my saving to Mum, because Dad's pick-up died on him last week, I told you this before, and he needed to buy a new one so the store can keep up running. And he's old, Minhyun-ah. I can't just let him go around running the store alone anymore while i just sitting here doing nothing but wait for you to come home.." Jonghyun softly whispered. 

Minhyun were baffled. Floored. He did remember Jonghyun told him something about their family needing money but he was so busy imagining his future life and making plans that this important fact just flew by his mind. He panicked internally trying to trace back and formed out a new plan with this not so new information factored in. 

"You're thinking out loud." Jonghyun smiled weakly at him. "I can hear you re-arranging things from here."

Minhyun tried to explain himself "I just..." 

"Minhyun-ah, I'll be fine." Jonghyun inserted his fingers in between Minhyun's, squeezed them a little with assurance. "You've been so good to me all along and I'm so thankful. But this is my end of line, not yours. I may not be able to dance anymore, but you're still in a very perfect state. Your voice is still one of the best in this industry. I may not be able to stand on a stage but you, oh Minhyun, you are born to conquer the world when those stages are on your feet."

There's something about Jonghyun's tone that set Minhyun unease. He knew Jonghyun only used that flat tone whenever he's determined to do something. Approval gained from their company or not, Jonghyun always did everything his way. Something chiling creeped up his neck. Jonghyun still twirling his almost empty cup of coffee with his right hand. A ray of sunshine fell over his plain ring, and reflected the one on Minhyun's finger. A promise once. Something that Minhyun had been trying his best to hold on to.

"Jonghyun, don't do this…" 

Words seem no longer suffice. The deafening silence between them is so heavy that both can only looked at their joined hands. A drop of tear fell into their knuckles and Jonghyun wiped them with a shaking hand. Erasing along their younger days. Wide smiles, hopeful dreams, glancing eyes, first stage, first kiss, first love… 

"Minhyun-ah, let's stop here."


End file.
